wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
