tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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