respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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