i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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