im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
