I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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