Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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