Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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