I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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