dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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