Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
