Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
