That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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