Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
