So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
