We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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