remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
