on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
