She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
