well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
