I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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