Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
