I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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