The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
