All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
