the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
