He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
