Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just pee around me
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
