this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
