I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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