6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
