can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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