he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
