she woke up with a sticky ear
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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