time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
