'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
