Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
