At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
