dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
