he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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