My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
