talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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