His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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