we have officially lost it.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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