onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
