need another drink. this is the easiest way
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
