Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
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