i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
