Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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