I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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