Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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