I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
