R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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