I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
