Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry unknown89 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(914): View more from New York

I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote

Fav 37 3965 1014
share tweet
(404): View more from Georgia

i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before

Fav 29 4960 1278
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(231): View more from Michigan

My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.

Fav 22 1066 4619
share tweet
(978): View more from Massachusetts

My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.

Fav 6 2712 866
share tweet
(843): View more from South Carolina

The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.

Fav 6 1785 876
share tweet
(404): View more from Georgia

I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.

Fav 14 3730 981
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(915): View more from Texas

God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.

Fav 4 1368 632
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(213): View more from California

I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.

Fav 2 426 141
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(606): View more from Kentucky

Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.

Fav 0 7 37
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT