Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
