VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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