Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
