I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
