just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
