just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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