I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
