But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
