i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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