Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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