You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
