He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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