The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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