JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize