Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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