So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I have post one night stand depression
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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